What she said: Part of you will always be grieving. Part of you will never fully heal. Part of you will forever feel the loss. But these parts will diminish over time, with distance and perspective, and lots of compassion.
Let go of the ways you thought life would unfold: the holding of plans or dreams or expectations – Let it all go. Save your strength to swim with the tide The choice to fight what is here before you now will only result in struggle, fear, and desperate attempts to flee from the very energy you long for. Let go. Let it all go and flow with the grace that washes through your days whether you received it gently or with all your quills raised to defend against invaders. Take this on faith; the mind may never find the explanations that it seeks, but you will move forward nonetheless. Let go, and the wave’s crest will carry you to unknown shores, beyond your wildest dreams or destinations. Let it all go and find the place of rest and peace, and certain transformation.
- Danna Faulds
I let my guard down a little and regret it.
We function out of our perceptions. We perceive something to be interesting or desirable and we get excited. We perceive something to be worrisome or troublesome and we start to have aversion or negativity. Perceptions are always informing how we relate to things. (Ajahn Pasanno - On Becoming and Stopping)
One day I’ll get through a day without bracing myself, without cringing emotionally. How I loathe this constant effort to guard my heart. There’s some basic lesson I never learned and am destined to learn the painfully hard way, or so my survival instinct says.
Although I feel quite rejected I know it’s just karma catching up to me.
She called me: My most honorable & valued brother. She told me: You are a good friend. And I am holding fast to these things, to not being diminished although everything is changing.
I was always so proud of how independent I was, how supportive I could be without confiding any feelings of my own. And in the end my guarded nature smothered my love, spawning resentment over the unspoken expectation that she would always strive to know me better.
A gentle breeze.
"They don’t grieve over the past,
Nor do they yearn for the future;
They live only in the present:
That’s why their face is serene.
It’s from yearning for the future,
And from grieving over the past;
This is how fools become withered:
Like a fresh reed that’s been hacked down.” (S. 1.10)
We are rock stars!
My best friends are asleep on Eastern Standard Time.
My sisters are asleep on Eastern Standard Time.
My parents are asleep on Eastern Standard Time.
And she isn’t responding, and she responds strangely, and he is empathetic but wary, and she is weary.
And the one person I could trust I am divorcing.
My life right now is about feeling lonely.
“I couldn’t have thought of her more. Even vacancy was crowded with her.”
― Graham Greene, The End of the Affair
Twenty-one years ago a girl climbed into the basement window of my home to lay with me, surreptitiously risking the wrath of my step-father and my inevitable beating. And she held me and she loved me, the truest and most faithful love I have known.
On the 1st of September I say goodbye to her as my love, accepting her as she is, hoping she will be my friend.